Like many of you reading this, I could NOT sleep last night. With so much turmoil going on in the world, I am sure I am not alone, but it wasn’t one of the typical causes of insomnia. Last night on what would be my final Instagram scroll, a friends post stopped me DEAD in my tracks.

My friend Alison Moorhead went to a CAT CIRCUS.

Cat Circus

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You heard that right. A F#$*ING CAT CIRCUS. So before you jump to any stereotypes, like what kind of crazy group of cat-loving lesbians spent their quarantine training rescue cats to be circus performers, I need you to know, I have questions too.

How did she hear about this? Was it in Houston Tidbits? Surely not Paper City? Where did she get tickets? Ticketmaster? How much did she pay? Who went with her? Why didn’t she freaking take me? Who has time to train their freaking cats to play instruments? These are the questions that kept me up last night. A cat on sax. WTH.

And then I thought, I’m not a cat person, but if I were to guess, you can’t train a cat to be in a circus. You can’t train a cat to be in a band. Don’t cats do what they please and give the people the finger for the most part?

If I were to guess, here’s how I think it went down. Luna says to Earl, “Our roommates are a freakin’ mess. What the hell are we going to do? They are literally here. all. the. time. They argue about EVERYTHING. I know right?! They are literally burning the place down. We have got to fix this. But we can’t start a go fund me, that doesn’t seem legit. This is Houston, how about a cat rodeo? That seems like it raises a lot of money, but I don’t know if the people would like digging our claws into them and riding them. Plus we would need a lot of volunteers to make it work. I know let’s start a band, Ralph plays the sax, and Elvis plays the piano plus and we could get that chicken to do a trick or two. We can get the human roommates involved too…you know make them feel like they are part of the solution. We can sell tickets. Oh my god, Luna what a freaking circus. EXACTLY. Call Lynne Wyatt. SAVE THE PEOPLE!”

THE AMAZING ACRO-CATS